It’s 3AM—Sorry, Barry Can’t Come To The Phone Right Now—He’s ON VACATION!

Other than assassinating people—occasionally even somebody who is an enemy of the United States—Barack Obama doesn't have much of a foreign policy track record to stand on.  Is it any wonder, in the face of a real, old-school, international crisis, Obama would head on down to Key Largo? Maybe Barry can have a drink with Johnny Rocco, and forget all his troubles. It's 3AM, like Hillary said, and the funny thing is, there isn't anybody in the White House to take the phone call.
Yep, that’s right. Barack Obama, who nominally occupies the White House, in between rounds of golf and heading off for family vacations, took one look at the Russian troops pouring into Crimea, which kind of qualifies as an international crisis, and knew what to do: get the hell out of Dodge!

So, Barry has packed up his family and escaped down to Key Largo, Florida, where the White House says it will be “a little warmer” (in the good way) than wintry old Washington, DC.

And not only Barry, but the Veep that was supposed to make us feel warm and protected having absolutely inexperienced Barack Obama in charge of foreign policy, yes, crazy old Joe Biden is on vacation too, down in the Virgin Islands (again)!

So, who exactly is figuring out what to do next about Crimea? And Ukraine?

Don’t worry. Vladimir Putin—Obama’s reset pal—has it all under control.

Seriously, maybe Barry can get some good advice from Flipper. Because nobody in the White House currently seems to have a clue about what to do.

Meanwhile, we are reminded of that little girl, sleeping trustingly back in 2008’s iconic campaign ad, as Hillary Clinton was telling us it would probably be better if she picked up the phone rather than Barack Obama at 3AM in the White House. So, what would Hillary say to Vlad? “Oh, I’m very disappointed in you, Mr. Putin. I know you can behave better than this. You need to try harder or the international community is going to be very upset at you.”

Yeah, I think Barry has already tried that, Hillary.

As I have been saying, if your message to Putin doesn’t have Major Kong riding it, Vlad isn’t going to pay attention to you.

The Cold-War messaging service was unambiguous in its meaning and consequences. Here, Major "King" Kong demonstrates the 1960s US commitment to clarity in foreign policy, as he personally delivers a 20-megaton American rebuke to Russia (or "ROOsia"). Republican Party foreign policy can fairly be summarized by reference to this image. Democrats, on the other hand, are always talking and handwringing, and acting like an appeal to better angels is actually going to work on some KGB colonel. From Dr. Strangelove, a 1964 film by Stanley Kubrick.
And, since most people think advancing back to the Kong Doctrine is a little extreme, Obama has depended upon his negotiating skills, which have worked so well on Republicans, to convince Vladimir Putin that going Prague all over Crimea and the Ukraine is just not very 21st-century of him.

Or, as Henry Kissinger (who is STILL alive) put it in the Washington Post:

"It is incompatible with the rules of the existing world order for Russia to annex Crimea."

Geez!—that actually sounds like the best reason of all for Russia to ignore Oceania and take back Crimea.

Since most of us will not have the luxury of vacationing this weekend, but will instead have to (mostly) soberly reflect again on how badly things are going with the existing world order, we should ask ourselves: are America’s children really safe with that clown car of idiots "in charge" in Washington, D.C.? And, if not, what are you going to do about it? Probably what you always do—elect the same clown car of idiots, or worse, a bunch even dumber clowns than the last hopeless dimwits.

YOU are the problem, American voters. You absolutely suck at your jobs. And the whole world is suffering—and worse—watching, including those patient, observant, Chinese.