Will The NSA Hack The Scottish Independence Vote?

Oh yes my little sheep—Scottish independence! Vote for it and see how the NSA assesses the winner. Democracy! Freedom! On the Moon maybe. On the Earth, Scotland is part of the American empire.
Sound a little extreme to you?

After all, isn’t the USA in favor of democracy and national determinations and all that?

Yeah, right. Just ask the Muslim Brotherhood about how that worked out in Egypt. Oh wait. You can’t. They’re all dead and in prison.

The Scots after all are getting ready to commit democratic terrorism on the United Kingdom, and while most Americans cannot find Scotland on a map of Colorado, they do know it’s a bad thing for America’s little helpers, the English, to lose their nuclear submarine base in Scotland—which will happen, we are told, if the anti-nuke Scots finally avenge the ’45 and go free from England (and Wales and Northern Ireland—YAY!)

From the USA perspective, which is to say from the NSA perspective, it is time to hack the vote in Scotland, just to make sure the Scots are kept in their place and the Trident submarines are kept in their place—and all the British flags (which will all have to be redrawn all over if the Scots get away) are kept in their place!

On the other hand, all Americans love to see the stuck-up English punched in the nose. Again, the USAish are not entirely sure where London is (in “Sherlock” episodes it looks very modern—Japan perhaps?), but they know those English had something bad to do with America back in the day—like they were the villains in the Civil War or something—right?

So, America absolutely would love to see all those exotic, skirt-wearing folk, give the electoral finger to the English.

But, while it would be terribly satisfying to Americans on that count, among other things, a successful Scottish independence vote might give other, browner, peoples the idea that standing up to well-established authority—after centuries!—is a proper way to conduct oneself.

And we can’t be having that, can we?

So, yes, from the American perspective, NSA has every reason to hack the Scottish independence vote and keep the Mad Macs British. Don't worry, they'll calm down. They'll always have their ghastly booze, their haggis, and their dreary vistas of sheep and moss to keep them warm at night, after all.

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