Islamic State “Little Sissy” Says His Beheader Knife Will Defeat American Missiles

I am a connoisseur of Islamic beheading videos, having watched and critiqued everything from the classic Zarqawi lowbrow propaganda vids, which did have a kind of chillingly primitive aspect much aided by the total novelty of the genre, to these present, allegedly slick, promotional pieces by Islamic State. Little Sissy, AKA "Jihadi John", the host of the IS program, looks like a teenager dressed up in a Ninja suit for Halloween. His bold challenge to go toe to toe with the USA's bombs and missiles—with his knife—should definitely be accepted. And notice poor IS only appears to own one knife between them, as he calls the blade "our knife".
Once again hosting the Islamic State’s new, and really stupid, beheading program, the slender, black-clad psychopath with the English accent, appeared to dispatch another American hostage, in a video released yesterday. I say “appeared”, because the video is very peculiar on the particulars of the beheading.

For one thing, the victim, journalist Steven Sotloff, doesn’t appear very frightened. Had he prepared himself to go out showing no fear? O was he so frightened that his surreal last moments just didn’t register with him until the knife began its cruel work? Perhaps he was tortured, as we hear James Foley was, and believed he had to calmly deliver his anti-Obama message to avoid being tortured some more. It is also possible that death seemed a welcome escape from having to live every day with a bunch of lunatic Muslims.

We likely will never know.

What we do know is that the program host, the aforementioned psycho, needs a better, more descriptive name than Jihadi John, the nickname given to him by former IS hostages.

We are told that the intelligence communities of the USA and Britain have determined the identity of the beheader, but so far they have said nothing publicly about who he may be. There have been a number of suggestions of prime suspects.

I have pondered what this allegedly English lout should be called: fool, coward, jerk, asshole—yeah, all that for sure, but he needs a proper name, and acronym, doesn’t he?

I propose: Crazy Islamic State Imbecile or CISI (pronounced “Sissy”), or we could just call him Big Sissy, except he isn’t big, he’s kind of skinny, so let’s call him Little Sissy. OK?

Little Sissy had a message for Barack Obama yesterday. It was the most peculiar thing really. Along with whining about being bombed by American fighter jets and missiled by American attack drones, Little Sissy had a warning for Obama and for America:
“So, just as your missiles continue to strike our people,  our knife will continue to strike the necks of your people.”
I have spent much of last evening (well, actually sleeping), but much of the last fifteen minutes working out the math on this casualty exchange program offered by Little Sissy.

While I know this will upset a lot of handwringers, I suggest America does the following to meet Little Sissy’s challenge: Just send him one United States Congressman for each 1000 Islamic State fighters blown to kingdom come by the US. You could start with the Congresspersons, from among those left in office, who were stupid enough to vote for the 2002 war authorization to enable Bush's invasion of Iraq.

While Bush recruited and trained (by his utterly dimwitted policies) the horrible little war dogs now called Islamic State, like the little girl in the old Shake-n-Bake commercials, his Congressional warpals unquestioningly "helped". They all need to answer for their crimes of being bloodthirsty damned fools.

If you want to get very specific about choosing American heroes for this NEV (not exactly volunteer) program, you can start with the Republicans who insisted George W. Bush's Iraq War would be short, cheap, and a great foreign policy gem in the crown of the Empire.

And I am sure many Americans would have no problem whatsoever if the government decided to start with an Executive flair to this exchange program, and sent over Dubya and Cheney to get things going.

Anyway, as any advanced mathematicians out there will quickly realize, at the rate of 1000 dead Islamic State fighters for every warmongering American idiot dispatched to justice by Little Sissy's little knife, the war should be quite short, and the expensive future war crimes trials of the Iraq War architects can be avoided without accountability being raped (any more than it already has).

Comments